Thursday was the day of my birth. The most dreaded day that the earth has ever faced. The national holiday that the world celebrates in misery and dispair.
But my "friends decided to take me out for my birthday instead of me sitting in my room, drunk, thinking of ways to kill myself or kill everybody on earth. Moreover a way to not be around humans.
They all assembled at my door.
Nuggy knocks on the door.
Nuggy: "HSD!!! Come on out! We're taking you out today!"
HSD: "NO!! You'll never take me alive you scummy b*****ds!!!"
Alo: "Come on, man! stop being a meat!"
I never leave my military position behind the door concealed, safe, in my home base.
I sit on the floor with my back against the door. My protective hat on and my potato gun in hand.
HSD: "A meat, I'll never be! A hater of society, you can guarantee."
They bumrush the door and send a barrage of angry party goers in after my bounty. They force strip me and oblige me to put clothes on before I am drag out of my house. I told them that nakedness is the beauty of god, but the said going to jail to become somebodies sexual slave wasn't.
After I was pressured into their car I asked them where we were going.
HSD: "So where are you heathens taking me???"
Ruey: (grumbles) "we're going to your moms house."
HSD: "Dead"
Alo: "We're going BOWLING!!!"
I sigh in grief.
We get into the bowling alley, they pay for me and get me size deathtoe bowling shoes.
Humor me not.
We get to our lane and i refuse to bowl. they sign me in and I have Dizzy bowl for me for the whole first game.
The night progresses and I continue to get increasingly drunk. By the third game im playing, well, and from what I can remember through my fuzzy, liquor filled memory, I had fun.
I remember throwing bowling balls erratically at Alo and crushing his toe in a drunk blast of happiness, throwing my bowling balls, instead of rolling, and putting holes in each lane of the alley, pulling rabid kittens out of my cloak and tossing them at fellow bowlers and read the almanac on the toilet while letting out my explosive turdlettes. Thats what i remember of it.
I woke up in the morning hung over as usual and with a happy feeling and a post it note on my bedside table.
It read:
Hey,
This is Alo. I brought you home and laid you in your bed because you were terribly drunk. You injured the majority of us so I had to take you home because I was the least injured(Broken Toe) out of us. Im glad you enjoyed yourself so much. Im sure some of your friends hate you now but I understand how you act during happiness you jolly b*****d. Well im going to the hospital to check on our injured friend. Drink some water.
-Alo
I smiled.
I went to the kitchen with a lit cigarette at 9 in the morning. Cooked up some leftover ardvark for Jehosophat and Silvia and called them for breakfast.
We sat down. They noticed my black eye and asked me what happened.
I told them "I had a night out with some reapists."
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