A Letter For An Animal Accident

Dear HorribleSexyDrunk,

Someone Today compared your everyday activities to those of the mediocre, immature Captain Underpants. They have basically belittled you to a mere crude childrens book. 20 words per page. I felt as though this is very disrespectfully to you. I see you not as a fatuous middle aged man parading around in his undergarments, but more as a political figure. A leader if you will. I took this comment to heart and found great insolence in this comment. To compare you to Captain Underpants is like comparing Ghandi to a mere pothead hippie. You don't "usually" strut around in your skivvies without good reason. There were many people making negative commens toward you and me and the rest of the followers wont stand for it. I felt that I should be the first to let you know what was being said about you in the alternate dimension. I don't agree with these brusque statments and I believe in you whole heartedly.

Sincerly,

Shucks Diketah from Notting Hill, London




Dear Lowly Diketah,

I would like to thank you earnstly for caring so much and slobbing so much. It takes a lot of breath to do what you are doing. your lungs and throat must be under a lot of stress. Thank you for putting under so much meat to make sure wrong doings are recognized. ummmmm, as for the Captain Underpants statement that was said in Notting Hill, im guessing, Its ok. Don't let bother you. I take it as a positive. He is a great role model and I think children of the new generation should look at his books as a bible for the young. Flip page action is nice. Concerning the negative comments about me, they're all true. Not "probably" true. They are true. I don't really need to know what they are saying but if its negative and adverse, then its me. If anyone were to say i were a baby hugger, then you have the right to kill them with an index card if nessecary. Maybe a sharpie. Whatever you can find at your desk. Leg of a stool. Stool meaning excrement. Kill them all with your hugs. Hugs of hatred.
I most certainly have reason for parading in my........."Skivvies". Most of the time im under the influence, the drunkard that I am. But thank you young swallower. I appreciate your consideration. I shall send you a goody bag as a reward for your well doing. And don't Digest too much.

With Much Love.........Psshht!-Hate

HorribleSexyDrunk


A Week Later,
Diketah receives the much anticipated goodie bag from HSD.
After opening the bag he decides to write a very brief message back to HSD. This is what it contained.

Dear HorribleSexyDrunk,

Thank you For the goody bag. Once I cleaned all my wounds, ripped the kittens bloody claws from my face, had them declawed and vaccinated, it turned out to be a wonderful gift. I recognized the symbolism it showed. "Never Give Up!" i thought as I peeled the last feline from my face. Just as I expected from the great Sensei Drunkwalls.
Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto

Sincerly,

Shucks Diketah