Spongebaths And Scouring Pads With Grandma

Ive come down with some type of terrible flesh eating disease. My skin itches and burns with fury. I plan my immune systems punishment as we speak.
Excessive input of Vitamins and Heroin into my bloodstream?
Sounds effective.
So Today I sat inside of Starbucks with my laptop and a cup of caffeine. No coffee. no hot chocolate. Just pure, liquid caffeine.
While I was sitting there drinking my cup of methyltheobromine, (thank god for Friedrich Ferdinand Runge) I overheard a couple of teens having a conversation. It went something like this.

"Man! Its been such an awesome summer so far!"
"yea, completely fuxxin rocker!"
"So, you tryna go to my place and smoke some weed tonight? Invite some friends? Have an awesome hotroom?"
"Nah man. Thats that pansy ish. Im only into the hardcore drugs. You know, like blow, Dexies, Pink Jesus, White elephant, Hydro, Special K, Acid, Meth, Whippets, Death, Angel Dust, Shrooms, Green Devils, Molly......."
The list went on for about 10 minutes. I fell asleep and woke up at the end of the list.
"......Nembies, cotton, glue, you know, hardcore stuff like that"
"wow....... I, I think i'd like to try that."
"ALRIGHT NOW WE GOT A PARTY!!!!! We'll start off with DEATH!"

I turned back to my computer, wrote a story about pain and stupidity. I feel as though the stupidity of those teens is what cause me to be diseased. I went home and slept. I woke up and decided to call Ken Sato to tell him about my illness. He got worried and told me to soak in a tub of hot water. He'll be over here shortly. I am now soaking in the bath which is doing my body good. I feel as thou i'll be better in no time. The there is a knock on the bathroom door. I assume its Ken.
"Hey Ken. This was a great idea. I feel a lot better. Like Pyromaniac in a burning building. I think i'll be fine."
It turns out that it wasnt Ken. It was my deaf, partially blind, petafilic grandmother. "Wakey Wakey!!! Its time for your SPONGEBATH!!!" She walks in with dishwashing liquid and a scouring pad. Lord, When you stop hating me, I was wondering if you could help me or kill me.