Sex Kills and Creates Mutated Babies

I decided to take a step onto the city sidewalk today and take a whiff of the polluted air. I took a deep breath and choked violently. The Aids in the air attacked my lungs visciously with no sympathy not pity toward my blackened organs. After composure was regained, i started my morning hunt for orphan kittens and other mentally impaired mammals of the city. It seems they were all waiting for me in the alley.(Most likely because i still had not payed them in kibble for the last time they helped me against the force of Drunk mutiny.) I wasnt buying into it. The were plotting against me. I decided to go hunt in a different section of the city seeing as how my center city mammals have betrayed me.
Alleys of the South Side.
The industrial factory smoke is much thicker than that of Center City's. It reeks of underpaid slaves and cheap drugs.
I walk down a neighborhood where there is a sea of children in the streets playing and reaping each other. A parent on her porchis yelling at her chil with the utmost disrespect. The scruffy child yells out,
" F*** YOU, MOM! Im sick of your hypocritical prejudices against mutation! I hope a train slides off the tracks and rams into your area of rest."
He runs off the porch and jets my way. As he gets closer I start to see a strange growth on his neck.
..............
He has a whole other f***in' head on his neck!
Both heads are bobbing around while tears are streaming of their faces. He screams,
"Our mother doesnt love us!"
The female head on his shoulder says nothing as this is going on. She just looks down with a despondent expression. I grab their arm and lift them up.
"What's your,..... you guys names?"
While im speaking to him, im examining his sister on his neck.
He sniffles a little. Then sucks in a colossal snot glob back into his nose.
"My, My n-name is Jehosophat"
Then the sister talks still with a a depressed look on.
"Im Silvia."
"Ok, guys. Come with me."
I put them down and we star walking and talking.
"My name is........... but you can call me HorribleSexyDrunk, Mr. Drunk or Sensei Drunkwalls."
"OK, SENSEI DRUNKWALLS!!!!"
It seems that Jehosophat owns all the vigor in this family.
"So can I ask you two a question? How did you guys get this way?"
"We have a terrible mother."
Silvia says,
She doesnt love us even though she is the one that made us this way. When she was pregnant with us, she did a lot of stress to deal with the death of our father, with out thinking about the fact that she's pregnant. Our father was murdered by a hawaiin monkey that he was experimenting on in his lab. The monkey was named Nepolean. The drug that was injected into Nepolean was unstable and caused it to go insane. In its rage of insanity, it murdered our dad. Then Nepolean proceeded to try and enslave the human race, except for the hawaiins, but his attempt was unsuccessful and he was put in prison.Anyway, the drugs that my mother took were found in my fathers lab. It had some reaction that fused us together while in the womb. And we came out like this."
"Wow!
I want some of whatever she's taking!(under breath)
Well usually I express my deep hatred for children but seeing as how your mother is disusted by your very appearence, I'll take you guys to stay with me.(They can be my SLAVES!! BWAHAH!)"
Silvia: "Really!! I mean... I dont care."
"That'd be awesome to get away from our bastard mother who doesnt fed us."
" T'would. Now come on. I have thirteen kung fu ardvarks to find, capture and skin."
We spent the rest of the day fighting ardvarks with opposable thumbs. When we got back to the house we went straight to eat.
"Eat your ardvark ear Jeahosaphat"
"OK!"
" I really cant stand saying your names. (While choking on Ardvark Genitals) I now dub thee Sir ......... I cant think of anything. I'll rename you later."
I layed out the rules at dinner. You know, the basics like
"No defecating next to the toilet. I know kids like to do that."
and
"My drugs are off limits. If you want your own, you ask me before you go in the alley and i must be with you."
The Basics.
I set up their new room. After the went to sleep, I went to the bar to think of a plan to bring them back to normal. My seat at the bar was ready for me to get my midnight fuel.
"GIVE ME THE MOST ILLEGAL DRINK THAT YOU HAVE, BARTENDER!!!"
"With pleasure." The bartender is always happy to see me.
While enjoying a bitter alcoholic beverage, my plan came to mind and blueprinted itself out.
These kids will be normal.

Silvia Dreamt of Hawaiin Monkey's, World war III and me dressed as Tarzan trying to infect the world.