Sewer Fungus and Nut Kicking Spree's

Its 4 AM.
I cant get any sleep because of the two children in my house abusing their new bodies.
The decided to come in my room and replace my glass of liquor that i keep on my bedside table with a mixture of anti-freeze and heroin. (which I have no idea how the got access to.)
Noramaly this would have been ok but I needed my sleep for the next morning when i have my nut kicking spree. And to add to the terrible sickness I now feel, they can both poop out dinosaur sized feces into a glass. I mistook it for chocolate and guzzled it down.
Their new bodies and trying to kill me. Jehosophat loves me but is just too playful. I'll set up a hammer and springboard by his nuts tomorow. And Silvia has a deep hatred for everything.... including me.
Oh god! Here come the little bas****s with knives, batons, rubber bands and stethescopes!
HELP..........

Connection cutoff messege:
Hey, sorry bout that. either im dreaming about doing terrible things to your family's pet or im throwing toe fungus, found in the sewers, off of my roof and into the city.
Have a HorribleSexyDay

Normalcy

On a bright sunday morning, i took Silvia and Jehosophat to a evil lair owned by an evil scientist on the evil side of town.
Im very good friends with this evil scientist.
We arrived at his house after a long walk full of annoying questions such as
Jehosophat: "Are We going to the park?!?!"
Silvia: Are we gonna watch you commit suicide?!?!
Jehosophat: The ZOO?!?!
Silvia: Body off a cliff?!?!
Jehosophat: AMUSEMENT PARK!!??!!??!!
Silvia: SEPPUKKU??!!??!!??!!??
and such.
We walk up his excessivly long driveway and seep into the fog a black clouds. Bats decide to fly around the tip of his mansion for a reason unknown to me. We finally reach his door. I flick the sweat off my forehead and wipe it on Jehosophat's packed lunch. Just as im about to knock on the door, it slowly creeps open and bats come flying out shooting spiky fecal bullets at us. I run through the door making sure that I get to safety before them because im that caring. Id crush them if I were to get hurt.
We get into his house safely..... Well, I did at least, and there was the scientist standing there. He had long black curly hair, a black cloak that had an alien blood, purple interior. He was six foot 3. Around my height. As he slowly and eerily walked towards me, I saw two small, shapr, white object by his mouth. Looked like extremly sharp teeth, with a tint of dark red.
Then he clapped *CLAPP!* and The kids jumped in horror.
The light turned on the light.
"DRUNK!!!!" The scientist yelled out in a romanian accent.
" Well if it isnt Dragos. Your bats tried to attack me with their anus'"
"Yes. sorry about that, but i just returned home today from my family in southern Romania. Those bats just seemed to make themselves at home in my house while I was gone, but i dont mind. So what brings you here?"
"Well I wanted to see if you could help these kids that ive taken in with their deformaty problem."
"Lets see, Head on the neck? NO PROBLEMO!"
He brought us into his basement and got to work right away.
Blood crudling screams exploded out the house throughout the 2 hr procedure.
At the end of the night I got to walk home with two children instead of one and a half and two bite marks on my neck.

I regret corrying you for nine months.